Agent Jeffrey’s trained eyes rolled carefully around the room, taking in the sights and sounds.
~Winner, 2012 Little Lytton Contest (for the most hilariously bad beginning of an imaginary novel, in 200 characters or fewer)
About the winner, contest founder/judge Adam Cadre says:
When I read the first half of this, I thought, yes, I’ve heard editors grumbling about the use of “eyes” for “gaze”: “‘Her eyes landed on his lapel pin’ — didn’t that hurt?” Then I reached the “and sounds” part and knew this one would be tough to beat. There were entries at which I laughed more, but the combination of craft, plausibility, cringe factor — and, yes, laughs — put this one on top.
(2012 runners-up and more judge’s commentary here.)